![]() ![]() COPYWRITER mutters underneath her breath. ANDREA looks up in unbridled alarm.ġ3:02 PM: The room apparently begins to warm. We have transcribed these precious moments for your viewing.ġ3:01 PM: A distinctive, funereal beeping as the air-conditioning goes off. Footage from the security cameras has painted a striking image of unbridled anarchy in the Switch offices. It’s to our regret that we could not yet uncover the truth of what went on in that dire hour where the air-conditioning was off. You see where we’re going with this? Survival logs ![]() Morning time or afternoon time is agreeably not the best time to have a blackout when you live in the belly of Pompeii. Night-time is agreeably the best time to have a blackout when you live in the belly of Pompeii. Usually, they don’t last for more than half an hour – but you have to consider that that half an hour tends to be experienced like this: Usually these hit in the middle of the night, in August, when no reasonable person would be able to sleep without air conditioning or fan units. Life was, if not good, then tolerable, so long as you got to the office before 8 and left under the cover of darkness armed with 30 layers of sunscreen, umbrella, bottle of water forgotten in the fridge and now frozen into a solid lumpy weapon, and car keys. People had scarves to keep the chill off them. Hope had begun to bloom that we might see the end of summer without discombobulating into a sludge of goo. So far, this has worked, and is good, and all is right with the world. People inside the office are surviving on cold water and air-conditioning and not buying any food that needs to be heated up. If you look closely, you can see the metal on our cars melting into an indescribable glittery heap. Right now, this is the footage from outside the office window: Malta is currently experiencing what some call ‘optimal summer weather’, and what rational adults call ‘why the fuck am I living on Mars’?’ Because climate change is Definitely a Thing That’s Not Happening, Malta in July of 2019 has more or less started to look like Mad Max: Fury Road, only with fewer people following the rules of the road. If you’re currently on holiday to the Surface of the Sun (Malta), you’ll know what this is about. ![]()
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